Intentions.

As a new year begins, I have tried to put more thought into what I want to focus on for the next 12 months. 2013 was a trying year. There were ups and downs, times where I thought I could not move on, and times where I just did not think I was going to come out on the other side of a situation smiling. That being said, one of the best things has happened to me this year: I found someone who I care about immensely and feels the same about me as well. I could go on, but that is another story for a different time. Without further ado, these are some points I will be focusing on during the upcoming year.

1. Worrying Less. I read in a blog post that worrying is pretty much praying for things you do not want to happen. I have witnessed my worrying affect my relationships, my job, and my well being. There is no use in stressing out about things that are out of my control or having those worries bleed into areas into my life where they are not wanted or needed.

2. Taking Care of Myself. This covers various areas, but a focus I had it just make sure I don't lose myself in the mix. Whether it be going to the gym, getting my nails done, or getting a hair cut. I just want to make sure I do treat myself now and then and also do some upkeep as well. I want to strive to be the best version of myself every opportunity that I have.

3. Choosing Happiness/ Inviting Positiveness. Misery loves company. Negativity begets negativity. By making a conscious decision daily to be happy or just choose a sunnier disposition, it will bring more positive energy into my life. I am tired of feeling down or needing a win. I woke up this morning, that should already be a win.

Those are the three main things this year. I may add to this, but honestly I think this covers most of my bases. May this New year bring light and love to all in the coming months.

Letting Go...

So I was advised recently to let go of what they called "old love." The ties that no longer have any use to me unless to serve as an example to why I don't date anymore. This is my way to laying these "loves" to rest:

R: You just kept on coming back, and I always welcomed you back with open arms. Its time for me to move on.

S: Letting go was a hard thing to do with you since you were someone I could talk to. I have to let you go in order for me to grow and move forward.

J: It has been 5 years. It really is just time to let go to all the things you put me through. I am not that girl anymore. I have said everything I needed to say to you and then some.

G: Staying friends didn't work.Even though we have a tie that we can not really get rid of, the friendship is non existent.  You'll never get over her, and I'm tired of watching you get hurt repeatedly.

D: In my head, I thought this would work out in my favor. It fell short. I wish nothing but the best for you.

Are there things I wanted to write? Yes, but what good will that serve? I don't need to be re-hashing the past, and I am no longer going to lament over the times I wish I had with them. I think its time to say goodbye to people who serve no purpose in my  life, and just take up free space in my head. It is time for me to move forward, and embrace what is to come.

I'm Thankful for....

I thought I did this every year. Looking through my old posts, apparently I don't. In light of recent events, I was compelled to really reflect on what I'm thankful for this year.

1. Family - Even though I always have drama w/family (extended, that is), I am grateful to have my mom, dad, sister and brothers. I love them all immensely, and no matter what they're mine :) My sister puts up with my daily antics and my parents have really started to support me in my new job.
2. The people I claim as Family - I have family friends who I can honestly say are my family. These are the people that just have taken me into their households and pretty much adopted me into their lives. The Wada and the Perez families are both my 2nd family. They have always accepted me for who I am without reserve, and I can not express my never ending gratitude for all they have done for me. It has been far too long since I have visited, and I promise to get up there soon!
3. Friends, both new and old - People come in and out of your life everyday. Some are just meant to just hang around for a while and then leave, while others have a permanent spot in your life. Others just take without giving and others give without ever asking for a thing in return. At the end of the day, a friend is a friend. I love the ones I have. I am very particular about the company I keep, and I must say, the company that is around me right now is awesome! This is my thank you to the people who put up with me and just accept and love my for who I am. You can't pick your family;but my frieds -  y'all CHOOSE to be around me, and for that I am grateful.
4. My Job - For those who know (and those who don't) I am now a full time make up artist. This job means so much to me because it came at such a perfect time. I was not happy where I was in so many different ways, and this job just presented itself like it was fate - it was just made to happen. I have one of those jobs where I am glad to go in (most days) and I am truly happy to be there. i LOVE what i do. I have amazing co - workers, some of which have become awesome friends. Also, I feel like I have found something I am really passionate about. Don't get me wrong, music will always be one of my many loves, but right now this is just where I need to be, and I can't wait to see where this job will lead me.
5. The Basics -  I have a roof over my head, in more than one location. I have people in my life that I love and love me in return. I'm healthy. I love my pets, and I think they love me back, haha. I have a job that pays the bills and I am happy. These are the little things people can forget  that I am thankful to have.

So there it is, a couple of things that I am thankful for. To all, I hope this day is full of love and happiness. What are some of the things you are thankful for?

Living my life in 30 days..

If March 2011 was your last month to live, how would you live it?


   I would just try to spend it with the people I love. There would be lots of travelling, and I would quit my job. I would say my goodbyes in VA, and then I would spend sometime in NJ/NY. being around the people I grew up with. Then I would probably spend the last two weeks exploring London. I turned 18 in London, and always vowed to come back. Also when I went at 18, it was a bittersweet trip. Too much drama tainted the trip and strained a lot of the friendships I had at the time. So this time I would try to get as many people that I loved to London with me and enjoy it the way I was supposed to back when I was a teenager.

Two Months In...

One month into 2011, what question(s) are you living? Are there any prompts/questions that arose during #reverb10 that are still resonating in your life? Are you living new questions?


What questions am I living... I guess whats next, or when will i catch a break? It has been a struggle with a couple of things in my life when it came to work, but I feel that things will finally be looking up soon. 

Don't call it a resolution.

I have always believe that one should not carry baggage into the new year. I am not thinking that 201 is going to be better than 2010 or anything like that; I just like a clean slate. There's no clutter when there's nothing there quite yet to clutter your path to the end of the year. Do I have resolutions? Not exactly. There are things I want to improve, but one I put a label such as resolution, its just reason for me to break it. I simply put it as something I need to do. So here are some of the things I would like to work on during the upcoming year.

1) Read more and educate myself. - I was walking in a bookstore pointing out books about topics I used to know. Another day I was talking to a volunteer at work about one of my favorite books, but couldn't recall certain events. I miss learning. I haven't really educated myself for fun in a really long time. Now's the time to start.

2) Being on time for work EVERY TIME - thats a work in progress

3) Spend more time with the people I love - I need to stop being a hermit so much.

4) Work even more on myself - This means a bunch of things, but you get the gist. I want to work on all of me. Emotionally & Physically.

5) Develop my intuition more - who wants card readings? :)

6) HAVE AN AWESOME TIME IN VEGAS.

7) Write more. - Not just on here,  just write to write.

Those are a few things. Above all else, I just want to be happy and heading towards the goals I have for myself. Heres to a clean slate. Now I must get ready to go to the airport. Sends lots of positive energy so I can win big! Happy New Year everyone!

So what am I trying to say?

December 31 – Core Story What central story is at the core of you, and how do you share it with the world? (Bonus: Consider your reflections from this month. Look through them to discover a thread you may not have noticed until today.) 

When I first saw this prompt, I thought it would be really difficult to really find out what my core story is. I was thinking "oh, I'm only 23, I don't have one yet. I'm still trying to find out what I still want out of life." Then I thought about all my posts from the last month and my core story became clear.
My central story is about knowing yourself. This year has been full of learning about the person who should mean the most to me: me. No matter how many people come in and out of your life, you go to bed with yourself every night. Who would want to share a bed with a stranger? I feel that getting to know yourself and discovering who you are brings out a whole other side to you. A new self confidence takes over because you are more in tune with your wants and needs. A new awareness of yourself worth allows you to never settle for less and strut the streets like you know what you're doing - even though you may not have a clue. You leave your baggage and hang ups at the door and just step into a new you.
Working on who you are has been something that I have been doing since 2010 started and it really has made me into the person I want to be. I mean, we all have times where our self confidence is not exceptionally high, but knowing YOU allows to become a lot more resilient in my opinion. I purposefully stopped being interested in a romantic relationship to really gain a better sense of self and to learn that I don't need a relationship or a significant other in order to feel complete; all I need is myself and the support of my friends and family.
How do I share this with the world? By simply loving myself and being confident. When you respect yourself and carry yourself in a way that makes you happy, people notice. You may not think so, but they do. I was talking to a friend the other day and she stated that I can look good in just about anything because I have the confidence to pull it off. I disagreed, but maybe she has a point. If you think you look good, you DO look good (unless you're in jeggings; just kidding). Also giving advice when people ask for it. I tell them the story of my journey and how its really put a spin on my life for the better.

So the moral of the story is as follow: Know thyself. Get to know yourself, but also remember there is ALWAYS room for improvement. It'll make you happier, but if it doesn't, change it; make it for the better, and the new year is the perfect time to do so.


So hats off to 2010, and here's to whats to come in 2011.

Happy New Year.

Gifts.

December 30 – Gift Prompt: Gift. This month, gifts and gift-giving can seem inescapable. What’s the most memorable gift, tangible or emotional, you received this year?

The funny thing is, my most memorable gift that I have been given this year I have not yet experienced. A couple days after the new year, my family and I will be taking a family vacation to Las Vegas. This will be our first time ever to be in Vegas and also our first real family vacation in almost 10 years. Mom and dad were nice enough to book the trip in honor of my graduation and my sisters 21st birthday. We have been talking about this trip since we booked it back in August, and have been growing more and more excited as it gets closer. I have plans to take my sister to a karaoke bar for the first time, actually drink with my parents, and gamble for the first time. I know that this trip will bring us closer together as a family and will be a trip to remember.

...I really guess parents do give their kids the best gifts.

Defining defining moments

December 29 – Defining Moment Describe a defining moment or series of events that has affected your life this year. (Author: Kathryn Fitzmaurice)


I graduated college. It took long enough, but it feels pretty good.

When I learned that I could actually read Tarot cards. Learning about my intuition has really helped me this year.

I was on the radio and on the local news in one summer. This made me want to get into voice over.

My fraternity received the most improved chapter within our district. This was the first district award that we had ever received.

My best friend left the country to go to school. It was difficult at first, but I have learned a lot about friendship through this experience.

I met some people that I know are going to be a part of my life for a very long time and I am very grateful for that.

 There have been some moments during 2010 that I'll never forget. These are the ones that have helped shape who I am.

What do I want out of the new year?

December 28 – Achieve
What’s the thing you most want to achieve next year? How do you imagine you’ll feel when you get it? Free? Happy? Complete? Blissful? Write that feeling down. Then, brainstorm 10 things you can do, or 10 new thoughts you can think, in order to experience that feeling today.

Goals. We all talk about it. All we want in life is to achieve them. Some of us kind of saunter through for a while a little aimless, until we find what it is that we want to achieve. Since I graduated, everyone wants to know what I want out of life, what I want to do for the rest of my life, or something that sounds similar to the prior two. I know what I want as a career, but not really the time line to get from point A to point B. Whats the ONE thing that I want to do in 2011?  Well, here it is:

I want to record my voice over demo and break into the business.

How will I feel once I achieve this? Happy, accomplished, and even more happy. This is something I've wanted since September, and I'm looking to get it done as soon as I get the money to do so. What are 10 things I can do to experience that feeling?

1) Enjoy life a little more, especially now that I've graduated.

2) Start a "voice over demo" fund. This will help me actually get there

3) Get the most out of my trip to vegas ( which is in 6 days!!)

4) Make a To Do List for 2011 and actually do them.

5) Remind myself that people want me to succeed.

6) Practice.

7) Tell myself that this will be done and I will get work.

8) Believing I can actually do this

9) Talk to more people in the voice over industry and hear their feedback

10) Visualize that I recorded my demo.

I will probably make another post for my To Do in 2011 at some point. Hopefully today...but yeah, this is what I want out of the new year. I am excited that I kinda fell into voice over, so hopefully it will serve me well.

Not all service is created equal.

So I work in customer service. I have been working in customer service since high school, so I know how flexible (or not flexible) someone can/needs to be. I dont like to complain for the most part, but there are definitely times where I do. It usually happens when I feel that I get treated unfairly or I feel that someone blatantly ignores me.

There have only been 2 major events in which I had complained in the last couple of years.

1) I went to a salon and unknowingly was charged $30 on top of my $15 haircut for simply running a flat iron through my hair. I was almost late for work so I just signed the slip and went off on my merry way. Once I realized that I had just paid over $45 for a haircut that should have cost me $20, I was pretty upset. I called the manager and he was glad to refund part of it.
I go there after work and all over a sudden he refuses. Since flat ironing is a service, there is no way to refund the money, esp if I was okay with the haircut itself. Also the reason I was charged so much was b/c my hair was long. My hair was shoulder length at the time, which is not considered long. They also had expressed that their prices had just increased, but no where in the salon reflected the new prices. It even got to the point where he had the district manager on the phone with me. I also argued that on the back of the receipt it stated that if you were not satisfied you could get a full refund. It did not specify if it was on products or your haircut. I brought that to the manager and all he could do was give me some coupons and a free cut ( just the cut) the next time I came in. It was simply not good enough. I was just so frustrated about it that I called another salon and asked for the number of corporate. I called them, explaining my situation and how I was just so not happy. Long story short, I was mailed a gift card for the amount of the flat ironing.

2) This happened fairly recently.  For those who do not know, I ADORE make - up. It has been a fairly recent hobby of mine, and I constantly want the newest and the best make up. I finally became a MAC fan and right after christmas they came out with two new collections.  I decided to trek up to the mall after a snowstorm at my parents house to go check it out. I come up to the counter and I was casually greeted. I told her that I wanted to try a bunch of different products. Long story short, all that happened was that I was handed a brush and just told to have at it. There was one product that was not approved for wearing on the eyes (something I learned later that day) but yet I was told to try it out on my eyes and cheeks. She just kind of ignored me and I was fairly irritated when I was told to try something on my eyes that wasn't even meant for them. Nothing happened when I tried it, but what if something did?
I wrote an e-mail just expressing my disappointment about being misinformed, b/c I know it would not have happened if I went to the store I usually go to.

I guess what im trying to ask is this. As people who work in customer service, do we let lousy service slide or do we tell someone about someone who is not working up to par?

Automatic Joy. Coin Operated Boy.

December 27 – Ordinary Joy Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. 
What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? (Author: Brené Brown) 


Over the summer, I had gone to the DC area two days in a row from Richmond to see Amanda Palmer. She has been a musician that I have looked up to since I was 17. I even have a tattoo that was inspired by her song Ampersand. I had brought Rickey with me the first night and my friend Chris on the second night. The first night was in Bethesda, MD in an old theater. Rickey and I had gotten up their early, so we grabbed a bite to eat and I decided to write her a letter. I have never been fanatic about anyone, but Amanda is the exception. I just have the utmost respect for everything she does and plus shes an AWESOME person. After she performed on stage, she went out to the lobby to sign things and meet her fans. I handed her the letter and asked her to sign my ukulele.

The next night happened and she remembered me from the night before. This time the show was in DC at the 9:30 club. She was happy to see that I had come back for more. The show went really well and I was stoked that I got to see my favorite artist two days in a row.

We headed back to richmond after the show, but hit a ton of traffic. It took way too long to get home and I was exhausted when I got back to my apartment. I decided to hop on my computer right before bed, just to see if she said anything about the show. She did. I continued to look on here twitterfeed, and I saw something right before I went to bed:
"@socolime367 I just read the letter you gave me @ the ninja gig last night. thank you my darling"

I cried. 

Meals are always opportunities for memories

December 26 – Soul Food
What did you eat this year that you will never forget? What went into your mouth & touched your soul?


One meal I won't forget is when my little in the fraternity, Rickey and I had an end - of - the semester meal just to blow off some steam. My friend's fiance is the head chef at a local restaurant and the food is always delicious. It was early May and they had just changed up the menu not too long ago. Some of the highlights that I remember is an edible flower salad, octopus salami, and sausage with asagio and granny smith apple. The one thing just melted my heart was the White Chocolate Mousse with fresh berries. It was just the richest, creamiest thing I had ever put into my mouth. I LOVE chocolate and it was just so good that it is beyond words. Also it was just a good day and we had a good time. That meal just makes me want to go back there again and again. It is just that good.

Photograph.

December 25 – Photo – a present to yourself
Sift through all the photos of you from the past year. Choose one that best captures you; either who you are, or who you strive to be. Find the shot of you that is worth a thousand words. Share the image, who shot it, where, and what it best reveals about you.

This photo was taken on Oct. 9, 2010. It was shot by my friend Tim at approximately 10:45 am. He edited it after the convention, but it is hands down my favorite shot of 2010. This is me looking over the out from the second level of the ferry on the way to NYC. I had worked really hard to pull off my makeup that morning and also I love the fact that I am looking out, but you cant see what I'm looking at exactly. I feel its almost symbolic of me looking towards my future (and how awesome my hair and makeup was).

Be OK.

December 24 Prompt – Everything’s OK What was the best moment that could serve as proof that everything is going to be alright? And how will you incorporate that discovery into the year ahead? (Author: Kate Inglis) 


Once I knew I was graduating, I knew that everything was going to be alright. I had planned on graduating this part May, but things just didn't work out. College was a long bumpy road with lots of setbacks, twists, and turns. One of the things I did learn is that things happen for a reason. Also while in undergrad I have also learned that I will always get what I need in order to be happy. It may not always seem that way at the time, but something out there just has a funny way of providing for me.

This will help me in the year ahead with stress. I don't have to stress/worry as much as I actually do. I want to let go and just let the powers at be just take me in the direction I need to be in (once I figure out where I actually want to be).

Let me Introduce Myself...

December 23 – New Name Let’s meet again, for the first time. If you could introduce yourself to strangers by another name for just one day, what would it be and why? (Author: Becca Wilcott)

Nemesis Paige - Nemesis was Zeus's right hand. She is the Goddess of Righteous Anger and she was the one who saw to it that all good and evil were justly paid. How cool is that? Pretty Bad Ass.

Paige  - I just though it would flow nicely.


I have always wanted a name that had an air of mystery behind it. Also I feel like it would make an awesome stage name. So yeah, my name is Nemesis. Nemesis Paige. I think it fits nicely.

Travel.

December 22 – Travel How did you travel in 2010? How and/or where would you like to travel next year? (Author: Tara Hunt)

How did I travel? Mostly by car, but to some places I've never been before. I traveled all the way up to Maine for a fraternity convention. There was a roadkill incident in MA, but all in all it was a good trip. I had awesome friends who treated us out to dinner both on the way up and on the way back. I also got to spend time with some family up in Maine. It is so pretty up there and the weekend I spent there was a blast.

I also got to go to NYC for NY Comicon. It was my first time going and it was a blast. I also got to meet Katee Sackhoff, who played Starbuck in the series Battlestar Galactica. I saw lots of cool panels, talked to some really neat people and even took a picture with pedobear. I took the ferry into the city each day and the weather was gorgeous. I can't wait to go back next year.

I also had the pleasure of visiting my hometown twice in one month. One weekend was for NYCC and the other trip was the trip my sister and I take every year. It was nice being around old friends. I got to see someone who I haven't seen since I was 18. It was semi - emotional for me because he was one of the people who literally watched me grow up. Hes known me since I was 12 or 13. Also I just love being up in NJ.

Right after the New Year starts, I will be going to Las Vegas for the first time with the family for my sisters 21st. In March I'll be going to Atlantic City with family friends in order to celebrate all of our birthdays. Hopefully in July I will be going to Rhode Island, Massachusetts, and Colorado. Also in Oct, I will be going back to NYCC. So lots of traveling in the next year.

To my Future and Younger Self

December 21 – Future Self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?) (Author: Jenny Blake)


To my 28 year old self:

     Merry Christmas! Hopefully you spent it with the fam and all the pets. Or perhaps you've spent it with your own family (if you're single, you might want to get on that; you're not getting any younger!). Here is some advice from your younger self:

1) Don't worry so much.  You have the tools you have to succeed already and things usually have a way of working themselves out.

2) Trust your intuition. Its better than you think

3) Stay focused

4) People don't really change, so don't expect them to.

5) Know your worth and never settle for less.

6) Do what makes you happy.

7) Be passionate about what you do.


Love always,

Yourself at 23.






To my 13 yr old self:

Things are good. You lived, learned, and came out relatively unscathed. Boys broke your heart, but you got over it. You're happy, graduated college a little later than expected. Mom and dad are fine and you finally got that dog you've been asking for forever. The extended family isn't what you think it is, but you know who your family is. You know who really cares about you. Always remember that things so work out and that things happens for a reason. You should be proud of yourself, the person you've become seems pretty darn cool :)

- You at 23.

Would've Could've Should've...but didn't.

December 20 – Beyond Avoidance. What should you have done this year but didn’t because you were too scared, worried, unsure, busy or otherwise deterred from doing? (Bonus: Will you do it?) (Author: Jake Nickell)

I should have written more. I always have these blog posts floating in my head, but never get the actual bright idea to write it down when it comes. Going to school and working also didnt help with the time I wanted to spend writing either. Also by the time I sit down at my computer, the post has already left me. This is why I decided to buy a moleskine or two and carry it around with me, but writing in it was also smoething that I became too busy. I felt like my writing motivation has dropped in the last couple of years or maybe life has just happened. This is exactly why I decided to participate in Reverb 10. It got me writing more frequently and has made me want to write more. So yes, I will be doing what I didn't do this past year. Actually, I'm doing it now. Hopefully this activity will allow me to maintain this blog into the new year.

Heal and be Healed.

December 19 – Healing. What healed you this year? Was it sudden, or a drip-by-drip evolution? How would you like to be healed in 2011? (Author: Leonie Allan)

What healed me this year happened on Dec. 1. Dashboard Confessional was playing at the National and one of my friends who I had not seen in over a year said that it was a show that I HAD to go to. He was going to be in Richmond for the show and there was no excuse for me not to be there. This year was the 10 year anniversary of the Swiss Army Romance, so he was going to be playing that record in its entirety. Also, Good Old War was playing, so all in all is was going to be a good show. My friend who I was meeting up with was a really good friend from when I used to work down at the Aquarium. We became instant friends and I often refer to him as my "gay husband." He's my soulmate; we just have the same taste in men :) . He has been sick for a while, so I make sure to check in with him from time to time. We're both busy people, so we dont get to see each other a whole bunch; honestly, there was no better person I could have been with during that set. Dashboard played all the older songs; the songs I would listen to during the times I thought my world had shattered. The days that I found out that some boy didn't love me anymore; the times when I thought life couldn't get any worse. It brought me back to a place where things were simpler; the pain still felt the same, but life was simpler. It made me homesick where all the people I cared about were. This set just put me in awe because it was just him and guitar and the music was perfect. I had not seen Dashboard since about 2005 or 2006, so it was just ... awesome. That night healed me because the music just spoke to me, just like it did when I was 17, but it had even more meaning that I was with one of my best friends, gushing over the music that was such a big part of both of us and we got to share this moment together. Its a night I wont be able to forget for a while.

How would I like to be healed in 2011? Probably in a metaphysical way. My spirit really isn't old, but something connected to me I feel is. I feel that either energy healing, or just tapping into my past more would really help me heal in the next year.